Trevor Abes: Writer

Tag: introverts

For the Best

I asked you for regular alone time after our time

My anxiety needed it to properly relax after work


I didn’t have the foresight to factor in how that meant 

We’d have less nights to lose track of time together


I was thinking about what I needed to feel rested

I wasn’t worried about you no longer making room for my loner self

About each of us winding down the night alone

Birthing a little emptiness in you, slowly spreading


I mistook you not mentioning it for contentment

You may have wanted me to seek you out more on my own


I’m sorry we weren’t more careful about solitude and socializing 

Our opposing energy sources


How I’d ask you more if I could make you happier 

If I had the chance


Which would have probably led us to break up sooner

Knowing I can’t rewire myself to share you and be happy

It would have been for the best

An Introvert’s Guide to Falling in Love With an Extrovert

Be ready to let them go. 

While you’re OK with them being your whole world, their happiness is based on exploration.

Remember, they’ll be at their most defensive when they feel trapped while you’re too blissed out on having nailed down a commitment for forever to notice that you’re likely to confuse it with a guarantee and rarely revisit to refortify.

Pay attention to that feeling of dread you get about having to be social for an extended period of time. Now think about them feeling your absence each time you’re not at an outing exploring with them. Internalize the compromise implied here. To stay together, you will have to be uncomfortable for them a lot of the time.

You will have to be that dashing romantic Casanova person more often than you think you need to. Giving each other space is all well and good, but you need to let your person know what they mean to you in more spontaneous ways. 

Palm the small of their back and gently pull them into you when you get home, even though your slushy boots are messing up the foyer floor. 

Touch and profess without formality, breath in their ear, peck on the neck. Let them feel you instead of merely knowing you are there. Make unexpected plans, 

But don’t neglect the need for a backup, a support network that is wide enough for them not to fall into the illusion that they’re almost exclusively responsible for your sanity.

Regularly imagine ways your lives can truly resemble interlaced fingers knowing they get their energy from other people while you get yours from being alone.

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