When the broken glass of life
Scrapes dead weight from parts of you
You still treasure, gathering the slivers
Is a short path to hypersensitivity
As opposed to applauding the poetry
Of how long you’ve had your head down
Letting the unfairness nestle
Into the corners of your smile
And bloom into the tender sweetness of a heart
Whose open arms proved insufficient
The music in your hips newly sprung by bae’s absence
Her face in every woman’s face regardless of age
Stop trying to stop seeing her everywhere
Stop beating yourself up for finding yourself asking
What do you mean what do I mean by love?
Years into thinking the answer was set in stone
Just steep in it and get familiar with how you are
Too much food to finish for basically everyone
Until someone comes along happy to wrap you up
And save you for delectable exploratory unravelling
Which, for the record, is the opposite of cutting back
To compromise on the tenant between your eyes
—Liked what you read? Grab a book.
I don’t want to ask you for anything
I just want to sit here and think about your pouty face
When rain ruined our walks
How you’d nuzzle into my chest and urge
That we go back home in a faux-apocalyptic tone
Let me just keep that image in suspension for a second
And not feel like I need you to be in love with me
To appreciate it for what it was
A delightful 45 minutes in the middle of a Saturday
With someone I used to be partners with
Our lives intertwined like a money tree
Like our cat’s hair and every surface in our apartment
As if life’s knack for cutting you down to size
Was no match against our willingness to talk
Problems into submission
I asked you for regular alone time after our time
My anxiety needed it to properly relax after work
I didn’t have the foresight to factor in how that meant
We’d have less nights to lose track of time together
I was thinking about what I needed to feel rested
I wasn’t worried about you no longer making room for my loner self
About each of us winding down the night alone
Birthing a little emptiness in you, slowly spreading
I mistook you not mentioning it for contentment
You may have wanted me to seek you out more on my own
I’m sorry we weren’t more careful about solitude and socializing
Our opposing energy sources
How I’d ask you more if I could make you happier
If I had the chance
Which would have probably led us to break up sooner
Knowing I can’t rewire myself to share you and be happy
It would have been for the best
Be ready to let them go.
While you’re OK with them being your whole world, their happiness is based on exploration.
Remember, they’ll be at their most defensive when they feel trapped while you’re too blissed out on having nailed down a commitment for forever to notice that you’re likely to confuse it with a guarantee and rarely revisit to refortify.
Pay attention to that feeling of dread you get about having to be social for an extended period of time. Now think about them feeling your absence each time you’re not at an outing exploring with them. Internalize the compromise implied here. To stay together, you will have to be uncomfortable for them a lot of the time.
You will have to be that dashing romantic Casanova person more often than you think you need to. Giving each other space is all well and good, but you need to let your person know what they mean to you in more spontaneous ways.
Palm the small of their back and gently pull them into you when you get home, even though your slushy boots are messing up the foyer floor.
Touch and profess without formality, breath in their ear, peck on the neck. Let them feel you instead of merely knowing you are there. Make unexpected plans,
But don’t neglect the need for a backup, a support network that is wide enough for them not to fall into the illusion that they’re almost exclusively responsible for your sanity.
Regularly imagine ways your lives can truly resemble interlaced fingers knowing they get their energy from other people while you get yours from being alone.